Reflections on Time Living in an Ashram and Yoga Teacher's Continuing Ed Program
I received several comments that it is hard to believe that I could do this Yoga Teacher's Training Continuing Education experience, well me too. It surprises me as well. What you need to know is that I chose this school, Integral Yoga Academy due to its gentle, honoring the body's limits yet with a challenge approach. In my application to the school, I explained my physical challenges and stated that I would need to rest in the afternoon and that there maybe some times that my body just will not be able to do the schedule; the MS body is unpredictable. The school acknowledged this and agreed to work with me and they did. During my very first yoga training that was four weeks living in the ashram, there were several times that the MS symptoms took over and I could not participate in the program. The Master Teacher, Satya worked with me and made it possible to videotape what I missed and let me watch it while I was resting. Fortunately, during the recent continuing ed program I did not need to miss any part of the program. I like to believe that this is because I am doing better overall. It is also pertinent to know that during the continuing ed program each day as apart of the Integral Yoga class there was Yoga Nidra - a deep relaxation which has a guided tensing and releasing of all the muscles in the beginning which naturally welcomes the body's accepting the relaxation better and allows the body to go deeper in relaxation, Pranayama - breathing practices = Kapalabhati - rapid abdominal breathing or bellows breathing (clears the mind, stimulates digestive organs, decreases sinus problems and allergies) and Nadi Sudi - alternate nostril breathing (purifies the nervous system, balances the left and right sides of the brain, focuses the mind, good preparation for meditation.) After Nadi Sudi was a time of meditation which is a time of focusing on the present moment while inviting thoughts to be still. In meditation, the mind is clear, relaxed, and inwardly focused. When you meditate, you are fully awake and alert, but your mind is not focused on the external world or on the events taking place around you. In meditation one works toward an inner state that is still and one-pointed so that the mind becomes silent. When the mind is silent and no longer distracts you, meditation deepens. These elements of the Integral Yoga class, Yoga Nidra, Kapalabhati, Nadi Sudi and Meditation are a part of every Integral Yoga class that is given at the school and is encouraged that Integral Yoga Teachers teach them in their yoga classes. These elements in a yoga class are a vital part of the 2000 year old sacred teachings of yoga. Sadly, they are often not taught and left out.
In addition each day right after lunch, I took a nap from 1:15 - 2:45 pm, and I always was in bed for the night as soon as possible around 10:00 pm. Also before supper there was often another Yoga Nidra session or Restorative Yoga session for an hour. Restorative yoga is a method of yoga that uses props to support the body so that you can hold poses for longer allowing you to open you body through passive stretching. The classes are very relaxing with dimmed lights, soft music and a blanket for warmth if desired leaving you feeling relaxed, open and refreshed. It was a difficult schedule to manage, but I knew this going into the program. Knowing that it was only for 3 weeks made it more doable. There is no way I could maintain such an intense schedule on a daily basis ongingly.
During the 3 weeks that I lived in Satchidananda Ashram and participated in the Integral Yoga Continuing Ed Program, I had many messages just for me that I was called to pay attention to and do something about them. The first message came to me in the later part of the first week. It was pointed out to me by a fellow classmate, Dharmini that truly loving one's body and the specific parts that are in pain as well as the body's limitations is much better overall that giving the body or specific parts a hard time. It is much more helpful for the healing of the body. She proceeded to talk to me about changing my internal talk to all my body's MS challenges and chronic back troubles saying, "I love you body, you are the only body I am going to get. I am sorry I have not always honored the gift of you and not listened to your needs. And lower back, I know you hurt all the time and I have not talked kind to you by asking Tommy to please buy me a new back. (LOL) Not any more I will baby you and love you with time and attention by honoring your needs and listening to your messages. Please forgive me. I will do better from this day forward. I will not push either of you, body and back beyond what is best for you anymore."
We had the privilege of Dr. Amrita, the resident medical doctor with a yogic lifestyle philosophy to come to talk to our class three times about the medical aspects and the benefits of practicing yoga and living the yogic lifestyle. We all were captivated with what she shared. Dr. Amrita played a large part with multiple research studies that Dr. Dean Ornish conducted in his research proving that cardiovascular disease can be reversed and/or prevented. The yogis who lived at the ashram were involved in research studies looking at their lifestyle and diet examining these effects on the body and life longevity. Dr. Amrita was the local research doctor that compiled all the data and worked with Dr. Ornish to bring a true understanding of how diet and lifestyle can reverse or significantly alter life threatening heart disease and other diseases. The second talk Dr. Amrita included a discussion about the side effects of long term usage of over-the-counter drugs and prescription drugs. My interest was peaked on a more personal level with this topic. I have to take prescription drugs for the MS symptoms; anxiety, insomnia, nerve damage pain and pain meds for the chronic back pain. I do not like doing this at all, but I feel trapped like I have to take these drugs to function. It frequently weighs heavy on me, and I wish it could be different. Unfortunately, it is my realty. I was led to call Dr. Amrita and request to meet with her. I met with her a few days later in her cute homey cottage. She listened carefully to my concerns and proceeded to tell me that it is possible for me to definitely decrease the amount of the drugs that I am having to take and work my way to possibly being off some of the drugs. She stated however, that it is going to take me really listening to my body, honoring my body and changing my whole daily routine to a more loving and calming approach. She wrote me a treatment plan of to lie in Savasana (corpse pose) daily for a period of time and truly listen to what my body is telling me to do to better take care of it. She told me, "Bhakti, I can tell you are not doing this well. You are pushing your body too much. You will not be able to let go of any of these symptomatic drugs unless you are open to listening to your body and what is it telling you deep in your heart and spirit. Be still, observe your body and listen." She also put me on two natural homeopathic formulas to support my system and said she would work with me through phone consultations. Dr. Amrita also encouraged me to see an Ayurvedic doctor. Ayurvedic medicine, also known as Ayurveda is one of the world's oldest holistic whole-body healing systems. It was developed 5000 thousand years ago in India. It is based on the belief that health and wellness depends on a delicate balance between the mind, body and spirit. I said I would look for an Ayurvedic doctor in my area. As I left we hugged and I felt content with our time together and excited with this new plan of pursuing greater healing. I immediately began the suggestions she gave me. Interestingly enough, while in class about a week later, I noticed that it was 10:30 am and I had forgotten to take the anxiety drug. Wow, normally at 9:00 am the anxiety soars and I must take the medicine to function. Well, time came and pasted without me even noticing. This totally blew me away. I decided not take the anxiety drug, to just wait and see what happens and listen intently to my body. Around 11:30 am it became clear to me that I needed to take the drug, the anxiety was unbearable. I took a half to see how I would do. The anxiety settled. The rest of the day I did the same thing; wait, listen and see if the body's anxiety could be okay with going past the time that I normally take the drug. The same thing happened in the afternoon. I did not need the anxiety drug at the 5:00 pm hour as in the past, but needed it two hours later. I took the whole pill at bedtime as prescribed. I called Dr. Amrita and left a message about this experience. I talked with one of the yoga teacher assistants and some of my classmates about what was happening. We all agreed that by me being in such a calm and loving environment where all the necessities of life are taken care of for me is a major contributing factor of why my anxiety is lower. What a message that is. They
cautioned me to make sure that I am listening to my body and that it was easeful and peaceful with this change and not aggravated. I have continued to listen to my body's messages and realized that my body was not easeful and peaceful and that I was not listening as I should. I felt the anxiety at times and knew I should take it sooner but denied this message because I wanted to not need it and not take it. As I was lying in savasana one day following through with my commitment to listen to my body more honestly as prescribed by Dr. Amrita, I became aware of the reality that I am harshly pushing myself in this area and this is not good for me to do. I backed off, began listening better and taking the anxiety drug sooner as my body was telling me that I needed it. I am happy and content about this, but I do hope with time I can decrease it even more.
Sadasiva, the spiritual teacher of this continuing ed program is very knowledgeable about spiritual aspects of life and their application to real life. He is a jolly Santa Claus type man with a soft gentle voice. One day in class during a discussion of one of the spiritual principles of living, I said something. I do not even remember what I said. Sadisiva put down the book he was holding, lifted up his chest and body without leaving his seated position, leaned forward in the direction towards me, looked me straight into my eyes and with a lion's roar voice said, "Bhakti, Don't you think it is about time that you stop contributing to your suffering!" There was silence in the room from everyone. Tears trickled down my face. I sensed that I needed to say something...."It just feels like God calls me to do so much for others, serve Him and make a difference in people's lives. That's why I do it." Sadasiva said, "You are not expected to do anything that harms the temple that God gave you." At that point I was sobbing. Several of my classmates, a few yoga teacher assistants, and Sadasiva began a loving sharing with me encouraging me to take a deep soul searching look at all that I am doing and examine what is harmful for my body. They sweetly called me to stop, to truly honor and love my body, expect less, pray for guidance, to just let go of what I am led to let go of and to not worry about any unfavorable responses that I may receive. I was told that people will understand, just let go, love your body as you are called and don't push yourself so hard. I soaked in all their love filled messages. It felt like the sky opened up with loving arms and rocked me saying, "Everything is going to be okay baby, just listen to me and your body and you will suffer so much less. This is the answer. Listen." I was totally exhausted and wrung out by this experience, but vowed that I would follow the guidance I just received. The rest of the day I thought about ways that I might be contributing to my suffering. Examples started pouring into me with great vivid messages. One that spoke very loudly to me that I was reminded of that I have often done is when I get into my car about to leave home to go somewhere. While sitting in the car about to start the engine, I have heard this sweet soft voice saying to me, "Baby, stay home, go inside, lie down on your bed, you need to rest." Did I do this and listen? NO, I would crank up some upbeat high energy music and connect with this exuberant energy and tell myself, "Come on, get some energy and let's go." And that's exactly what I did. Of course later I felt much worse and horrible when I returned home. Well, now there will be no more behaviors like this from me.
STOP
After lunch the day of Sadasiva's "course correction" as it is often called. I got in my car to drive out of the parking lot of the ashram. My iPhone bluetooth music started playing a song as it usually does. I never know what song will pop up. Overcomer by Mandisa came through the car's speakers. I know the chorus of this song and often enjoy singing it out loud, but I do not know the verses. Go to youTube and check it out. Its a great uplifting song. Exactly while I was driving up to the stop sign and stopped, the first line of the song rung through the car, "Staring a stop sign" and then my eyes locked onto the stop sign. It was as if the stop sign came to life and said to me "STOP, just STOP already!" I sat there stunned at what just came to pass. I immediately recognized that this is another message for me to stop what I am doing that is contributing to my suffering. I put the car in park, got out of the car and took a photo of the stop sign with my phone as an affirmation as well as a reminder for me to be open to ways to just stop.
As I was leaving the ashram to come home, I noticed that my car tire was low on air. I thought no problem, I will go to the ashram's garage and put some air in my tire. I went right to the air machine and started to put air in my tire. The air nozzle on the end of the long tube was a bit tricky because it had to have an adapter in order for the air to go into the tire. I put air in my tire and then checked the dashboard numbers. Oh NO, some how I screwed up. Instead of putting air in the tire I let air out. Now, the numbers were even lower than they originally were before I tried to put air into the tire. YIKES! ...now what am I going to do. I remembered that about seven miles ahead the direction I was going there is a gas station and convenient store. Okay I will be fine, I hope. I thought hmmm.... let me try this showing love to something to my car, maybe it will help this situation. So I placed my hand on the smooth part of the dashboard next to the steering wheel and said, "I am so sorry about your low air tire, Ella." I call her Ella, short for Cinderella because it is hard for me to believe that I have this red Cadillac that Tommy surprisingly gifted to me a few months ago. I arrived at the gas station, no air machine. The clerk told me that there is one about another seven miles down the road. I thought to myself, will I make it or will my tire go flat? I continued down the road, lovingly talking to Ella and making sure I was going slow enough checking the speedometer keeping between 35mph and 45mph. Then my brain spun a web of a thought as it often does, "What is my inner speed limit that I need to be operating at? Is it 35mph or 45mph?" I glanced at the speedometer then looked back at the road. Right at this moment as I looked to the road a speed limit sign appeared. It was as if it popped right up into my vision. Is said 35. Well then, I guess that answers that question. I need to slow myself down to 35 mph. By now I was quit anxious about the low air in my tire and no air machine in sight. I soon reached the next gas station and they had an air machine. I pulled up into the gas station and parked in front of the air machine. I could feel my heart pumping out of my chest and my hands were shaking a little as I took out some money. I looked up at the air machine and it was starring back at me; a bright red sign with white letters saying "AIR." I sighed and said to myself, "Yes, I do need some air myself, just breathe, you made it, give yourself some air first then your tire."
In closing, I hope that something that I have shared speaks to you in a unique way giving you a personal message that you are called to hear. Something to ponder: It really is up to you to listen to YOUR inner wisdom. You know! Just give yourself the space and time to listen. There truly is an inner wisdom inside each of us that is our true nature. We are called to unite with and live from this place of inner spiritual guidance.
With love,
Lisa/Bhakti
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